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Help

I a have been down on my knees begging God to take away my addiction to cigarettes and alcohol I'm at the end of my rope. I hate who I am. I need a miracle. I don't want to die this way but I've prayed and prayed, God why won't you listen. I so sad I am such a failure, I try so hard and do a good job of covering it up but everyone knows. Why cant he shield me from this addiction. I grew up wanting to be a ballerina what happened. I was deeply hurt as a child is that how I deal with it? I don't know. I've tried meetings I've tried the LORD but I hate myself. I am so broken. Please take it away. It hurts so much.