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No hope left

I dont want to divorce my wife but after 4yrs of separation, I cant live like this. I cant afford to pay a divorce lawyer, so I will file on her. She wants divorce but never filed on me, she wants to stay separated. I guess I will file for divorce before X-mas, our kids will be hurt. They are praying for God to bring us back together but its hopeless God wont heal us. she wont reconcille. I will lose my house, child support to pay, guess thats Gods glory. cant even pray for her.